The Other Side of Love

  Famous poet Anne Bronte once said “But he that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose,” a quote that applies to everything in life. Specifically in love because everyone one wants to experience that fairy tale love they grew up seeing on television and hearing about. But no one wants to experience the pain that comes when this love is no longer there. In fact this fairytale love does not exist and only a few are lucky enough to find something similar. Up onto the nineteenth century this fairytale love appeared in both real life and in literature. Where the characters would experience “love sickness” after a failed love. But then a new concept was introduced and the feeling known as love was strictly related to pain and pleasure. This concept is known as masochism and sadism but their meanings at the time were too much to bare. They soon were believed to be the cause of love affairs and other problems amongst married couples.

Not only but-also, authors like Ivan Turgenev, introduced the concepts in a subtle way through the use of  imagery in his novel First Love. Which is a novel about a group of guys who decide to tell each other their love stories to kill time. Most of the guys tell generic and dull stories with no real emotional connection. Then one of them Vladimir Petrovich the main character changes this and tells an interesting story. Here we are introduced to Zinaida a controversial character because she is a female and part takes on both rolls the masochist and the sadist. Equally important she is a woman with strong character and good looks that make her  irresistible to men. Her character type is also known and described as the Femme Fatale; a beautiful but destructive woman who brings misery and disaster into a man’s life. We see her act on the roll of the sadist in the following “A few paces from me on the grass between the green raspberry bushes stood a tall slender girl in a striped pink dress, with a white kerchief on her head; four young men were close round her, and she was slapping them by turns on the forehead with those small grey flowers… The young men presented their foreheads so eagerly and in the gestures of the girl, there was something so fascinating, imperious, caressing, mocking, and charming.” (pg.13)

To explain, Turgenev uses this scene were Vladimir first encounters Zinaida to uncover her sadistic side. Although he does it in a subtle and gentle way such as her hitting random guys with flowers on the forehead. It is understandable to anyone that knows the meaning of what a sadist is that she is getting pleasure out of the humiliation of these four guys. This is a very controversial scene because for the first time you see the role of a strong female who has all the guys under her control instead of it being the opposite. She enjoys making a fool of others and making fun of them in innocent but messed up ways. She is unlike other female characters because she has obtained power over guys. She has done this by showing them a little bit of love or attention and then taking it all away. This power combined with her attributes make it easy for her to control those around her.

In the same settle way Turgenev gives  Zinaida characteristics of a masochism someone who enjoys the pain of love. We see this in the following  “She uttered monosyllables, not raising her eyes, simply smiling-submissively, but without yielding. By that smile alone, I should have known my Zinaida of old days… Zinaida sat up, and stretched out her arm suddenly before my very eyes, the impossible happened. My father suddenly lifted the whip… I  heard a sharp blow on that arm… Zinaida shuddered, looked without a word at my father, and slowly raising her arm to her lips, kissed the streak of red upon it.” (pg.94) Here the possible love affair between Vladimirs father and Zinaida is introduced along with this other side of both characters. Zinaida is now the masochism enjoying and receiving the pain while Vladimirs father is the sadist inflicting this pain as well as humiliating her.

Moreover, Vladimir can also be seen as a masochist because he lets himself get humiliated and hurt by his father and Zinaida. He believes this is their way of showing love towards him. We see this in the same part of the novel when he first encounters her and she is acting upon the roll of the sadist with the boys from the town. After viewing this act Vladimir thinks the following “ I would have given anything in the world on the spot only to have had those exquisite fingers strike me on the forehead.” Once more masochism is present and shown in a simple and gentle way such as being hit on the head with flowers. It is not the act that defines the masochist it is the idea and sensation they get from receiving any type of pain whether it is physical or mental.  Which in the case of Vladimir and his father’s relationship it is a form of mental masochism rather than physical.

On the one hand, Turgenev keeps introducing these two concepts in soft ways in other novels. One of these being The Torrents of Spring were we meet Sanin a good looking young man who becomes infatuated with two beautiful woman named Gemma and Maria. Gemma in this case is a masochist because she is submissive at the beginning of the novel to her fiance Kluber we see this in the following “she was quiet and simple in her manner, but rather more reserved and serious than usual; he had the air of a condescending schoolmaster, permitting himself and those under his authority a discreet and decorous pleasure.” (pg. 47)  they are on a carriage on their way to an event and she is very obedient to him. Once she breaks off her engagement with him she submits herself to Sanin in the following ‘you have done so much for me, that I am bound to do as you wish; bound to carry out your wishes.” Being submissive is one of the main characteristics of a masochist.

One the other hand, Maria is a sadist because she gains pleasure  from humiliating her husband and Sanin. In fact she is the first female sadist we read about and the first one that has all the power in her relationships. A power that she obtained with her good looks and money as well  as mentality. In this case Sanin is the one submitting to her becoming the masochist because he lets her humiliate him. Another trait of a sadist is manipulation and Maria has this over those around her. Sanin as well as her husband do as she say with little to no hesitation at all.

Besides, the definition of masochism is feeling pleasure from receiving pain or being humiliated. Meanwhile the definition of sadism is getting pleasure off of inflicting pain or humiliation on others. Whether it is during sexual intecourse or regular day to day actions admitting to like or want to be involved in any of them was seen as immoral at the time. Overall with the advancements made in social psychology the definition and rolls of both concepts have changed. According to Roy F. Baumeister author of Masochism as Escape from Self, “it is possible to consider masochism neither a form of self-destruction nor a derivative of sadism. Instead, masochism may be a means of escaping from high-level awareness of self as a symbolically mediated, temporally extended identity.”  

Furthermore, Back in the day it was believed that the main cause for a love affairs to happen was a failed marriage. Since most marriages were arranged and out of pure convenience people lived unhappy with one another. Marriages were a form of business contract between two families to unite lands and generate more profit. Or simply maintain royal blood and social status amongst the family. Many couples came to terms and made the agreement to allow each other to see other people. But this soon brought problems because no one wanted to bring a child from another person into their home. Also people from the community were finding out and at the time being unloyal to one’s spouse was considered a crime. Then a new idea from the west changed everything which was to marry someone out of pure love.

when this concept of marriage changed and people began to let their love for one another decide who they wanted to be with. It was a shock that anyone would be involved in a love affair if they were with the person they love. However, when a few people began to question whether being in love was enough to keep someone by your side and be faithful. Some possible explanations that came up were that some time along a relationship one person falls out of love or does not feel the same any more. This person doesn’t seem to fill them or complete then the same way they did. This causes them to find other people attractive and want to find this in someone else. Following this reason comes the whole factor of finding things your partner does not give you in other people.

Again, this caused the meaning and concepts of the emotion known as “love” to change drastically. Although the meaning of this emotion is different for every person and it changes according to their experiences. It could be said that there is one basic meaning and understandance of the word that most people refer to. The more experiences one obtains the more the meaning and value of the feeling known as love changes. Everything in life involves two sides the good and the bad sometimes we choose which to be in. But truth is no matter which side you are on you will never be understood by those on the opposite side of yours. And the way the other side decides to tell the story depends on how you are viewed by others. One of the common situations where this is experienced is in romantic relationships.

In conclusion, masochism and sadism are two different concepts that can manifest themselves in many different ways. When hearing both words one might associate them with having to do with physical pain during sexual interaction. But there is a lot more to them they can be shown in many ways and were often associated with being the main cause of love affairs during the nineteenth century. But truth is masochism and sadism can exist amongst family members and friends. In a mental way such as verbally humiliating one another in public or hurting each other with words. But it all depends to which extent each person takes this to. It was also believed to be a new kind of love going back to the whole everyone wants to feel pleasure and experience the good things of love but no one wanted the bad things. Back then authors described these two concepts in in a few settle ways but as time went on and there meanings developed and changed they became more visible in literature.

Works cited

Baumeister, Roy F. “Masochism as Escape from Self.” The Journal of Sex Research, vol.

            25, no. 1, 1988, pp. 28–59. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/3812869.

Essential Papers on Masochism Ed. Margaret Ann Fitzpatrick Hanly

Sadism:

Finke, Michael: An Introduction to One Hundred Years of Masochism

Robert A. Glick and Donald I. Meyers in their introduction to Masochism: Current

Psychoanalytic Perspectives, eds. Glick and Meyers (Hillsdale, NJ. The Analytic Press.

1988), 1-25, and William I. Grossman, “Notes on Masochism: A discussion of the

History and Development of a Psychoanalytic Concept,” Psychoanalytic Quarterly, LV.

1986

Turgenev, Ivan. The Torrents of Spring.  (Book App Called Scribd different pages from the book in class)

Turgenev, Ivan. First Love. New York: Open Road Integrated Media, 2015 (Book App Called Scribd different pages from the book in class)

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